I am utterly exhausted and battle weary today.
I had a particularly vicious and taxing spider run-in yesterday.
I’ve told you of my fear of spiders in the past, but I want to make it absolutely clear: mine is a regularly-wake-from-nightmares-of-killer-spiders-dangling-over-my-face, hubster-talking-me-down-from-my-paralytic-terror-in-the-night kind of fear. It’s a won’t relax in the hammock, won’t walk first on a trail, what’s that spot on the wall, kill it, kill it, KILL ALL THE SPIDERS kind of fear. Basically, it’s full on arachnophobia. Get it?
Now, back to my war story.
It’s a long and violent tale, but one that must be told.
It started out as a disgusting and creepy nuisance, but quickly escalated to an all out case of heeby jeeby, skin crawling warfare.
I had food to photograph yesterday, and my house has this one great spot for gorgeous natural lighting that I try to take advantage of whenever possible, but on this particular occasion, the area was barred by what can only be described as a massive, spiky spider.
Yes, spiky.
It was hanging outside of one of the French doors where I shoot my photos. Yes, I said outside, and yes, that was enough to stop me. Hello?! Why would I willingly stand that close to a (particularly ugly) spider, where I can see it and we’re only separated by a single pane of glass?!
Plus, I open the doors while I’m shooting.
I don’t look so crazy now, do I? (Wait. Don’t answer that. Ever.)
Anyway, I tried waiting until the Hubster got home, but I really needed to work; I knew I was going to have to wage war alone. I generally try to avoid this, and will only do it as a last resort, i.e. home alone, being stalked by a jerk with eight legs.
I planned to go around and try to kill the sinister bastard outside somehow, when I discovered…it was gone.
Spare me the, “It’s outside, you’ll be fine!” bit, because I knew better. This is a spider we’re talking about here, people. It was obviously up to something.
I had no choice, though. I unbolted the door, turned the knob, and threw it open quickly, trying to beat a hasty retreat to the opposite side of the room. I wasn’t quick enough, though. It was RIGHT. THERE. Eye level.
And it had called in back up. I’m not even joking right now. It had a friend, all scrunched up in the corner, trying to act like I couldn’t see it.
I had my back against the kitchen table. I wanted to get further away, but I couldn’t move my legs. Or eyes. You think I’m joking here, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of them, for fear they’d move in. I. Couldn’t. Move.
I followed the only course of action left to me…I reached back onto the table and grabbed my phone to call the Hubster. Here’s something interesting: he’s never heard the shaky, high pitched scream-squealing that I am powerless to stop myself from making while battling arachnids. Obviously. Because I’m only forced to do so when I’m home alone.
He walked me through a little known, yet highly effective Windex-broom-hose stratagem that left me with a heavy case of PTSD, particularly after the scrunched up “smaller” spider lurched from its camped out position into full-on battle mode and showed itself to be the larger of the two. Much larger. It could only be described as a mutant.
I actually cried. Like, real tears, running down my face.
Nevertheless, the Alliance was defeated, and this Browncoat lived to fight another day (but hopefully won’t have to any time soon).
As for the sounds of terror and ear piercing fright, the Hubster said he still hasn’t heard them because “phones don’t pick up that frequency.”
I ate the last slice of his Biscoff pie for that.
The idea for this pie comes solely from the Hubster. I probably should have saved that last slice as a thank you for helping me defeat the creepy crawlies treat, but…I didn’t.
Shortly after he returned home from overseas, I went to make a new, yummy Biscoff treat (you might remember the Nutella-Biscoffy snickerdoodles I made). When I started gathering my ingredients together, I couldn’t find the Biscoff spread. This was confusing, because I don’t really like the spred too much on its own, and I thought the Kiddo didn’t either. Apparently, I was wrong, because he’d eaten the whole darn jar.
Except he hadn’t.
The Hubster had.
Turns out he loves the stuff. He particularly loves it on Nabisco Famous Wafers (which he’d also depleted).
What else could I do, but take the Hubster’s new favorite snack and turn it into a scrumptious, easy to make pie? You’re right. Nothing. There was nothing else I could have done. Thank goodness.
Cause this thing is amazing.
The crust for this pie is an easy combo of crushed Nabisco Famous Wafers and melted butter. Just mix and press.
While I make the filling, I like to chill the crust in the fridge. This will reharden the butter and make the crust a little more secure for the addition of the filling.
Speaking of the filling, don’t eat it all right out of the bowl before you even get the pie done. At least…try not to.
The filling consists of cream cheese, Biscoff spread, confectioners’ sugar, and whipped cream. After combining the cream cheese, Biscoff, and sugar, the mixture may look slightly curdled or broken, but once you fold the whipped cream in, it will become smooth and glossy, like the photo above.
Spread the filling evenly into the prepared crust, being careful not to pull crumbs away from the edge. Try to make the filling as even as possible, so it doesn’t mound in the center.
To finish up, you’ll spread more whipped cream over the top, and garnish as desired.
I chose to crush some Biscoff cookies and sprinkle them on top, along with sweet vermicelli chocolate sprinkles. I like the little extra crunch from the cookies, and the subtle addition of more chocolate from the sprinkles.
The Hubster gave this a giant Seal of Approval. I think his words were, “A+, Make It Again, Bakery Must-Have, Yum Yum Seal of Approval.” Or something like that; I’m paraphrasing here.
This was fast to make, even making everything from scratch, but if you need to save even more time, you can use a pre-made pie crust and store bought whipped cream. The pie only took about 20 minutes to make, and needs to chill for a few hours before serving, so you could easily make this in advance. It also keeps beautifully overnight. Enjoy!
Biscoff Cream Pie
Makes one 9-inch pie
Ingredients
FOR THE CRUST
1 1/2 cups, about 30 Nabisco Famous Wafers (grams) chocolate cookie crumbs
5 tablespoons butter, melted
FOR THE FILLING
6 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
1 cup Biscoff spread
3/4 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 cups whipped cream (recipe below), plus 2 more cups whipped cream for the topping, or 2 8-ounce containers Cool Whip, thawed
FOR THE WHIPPED CREAM (filling and topping)
2 cups heavy whipping cream
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
To make the crust: In a small bowl, combine the cookie crumbs and butter until thoroughly mixed.
Press the mixture firmly into a 9-inch pie plate; chill in the refrigerator while making the filling.
To make the filling: In a large bowl, or the bowl of a standing mixer, beat the cream cheese until smooth. Stir in the Biscoff spread and mix until thoroughly combined. Add the confectioners’ sugar, mixing will. The mixture will look slightly curdled at this point. Set aside and make the whipped cream.
To make the whipped cream: In a large bowl, or the bowl of a standing mixer, whip the heavy cream on medium high speed until it starts to thicken. Reduce speed to low and sprinkle the sugar into the cream. Turn mixer to high and continue whipping until firm peaks form. Stir in the vanilla.
Assemble: Divide the whipped cream in half and fold one half of the cream into the prepared filling until smooth and glossy. Pour the filling into the prepared pie crust and spread it evenly. Gently spread the remaining half of the whipped cream over the top of the pie, smoothing it with a small offset spatula. Chill for at least three hours. Garnish as desired and serve.
Recipe by Darla
Dude. You totally deserve a Medal of Honor for your valiant and selfless act of courage in the face of almost unbeatable odds. Seriously.
I couldn’t agree more. And I stubbed my toe trying to turn the hose on, so maybe I should even get a Purple Heart? Just a thought.
This post made me laugh out loud. It sounds like every experience I’ve ever had with spiders – I HATE those things, and I swear they know it!! I’m glad you beat the entourage.
You are SO brave!! Glad to see you chose not to move like I suggested on Instagram. I’m so terrified, that after I, my 14 yo or hubby kill a spider, it goes into a baggie, to ensure that if it starts breathing again, it’ll suffocate. Just being thorough.
I’m guessing that you can totally appreciate Ron Weasely’s “why can’t it be follow the butterflies?!” I actually don’t mind spiders but make that spider a snake and I COMPLETELY feel you!! Put a snake in a picture or in any type of form and I break out in a full blown panic attack. Like seriously… I would be living in an apartment and selling my house so fast. I’m glad that you were at least able to enjoy some deliciousness for your efforts!
I have a serious spider fear too and that was a really scary story. 🙁
oh poor thing, I have seen you spiders up dates on Instagram. I think they are folowing you even more because Halloween is around the corner, maybe they are screaming for a spider inspired post?
This Biscoff Cream Pie, looks and sounds divine!
That story had my skin crawling! I hate spiders to the point that I loose my fear in a fit of battle rage. A while back we had a run in with a ungodly large hobo spider in my house. (I live in Idaho. We have a ton of them. *shudder*) Well, I have a 4 (almost 5) year old in the house who informed me in a not so calm way that there was a spider stalking her. So, thinking it was just a little bug (she tends to see a bug and think it’s a spider, even if it’s just a beetle or something.), I went over to where she was. It was horrifying. I’m assuming because I was the bigger target, it chose me to stalk instead. So, there I was, halfway across the room nearly on the back of the couch, looking desperately for something to kill the spider with. Luckily, I have a ton of shoes. I grabbed one, and went into a Xena style battle rage. I jumped down from the couch, locked on target and started to slam the shoe on the floor, screeching at the top of my lungs for the thing to die. There were only a few legs left of the damned bugger. I was shaking at the end of that encounter. My daughter came and gave me a huge hug.
So yeah. I get the high pitched, can’t hear the frequency screaming.
Also, the pie looks delicious.
HA Ha, your posts crack me up. I hope to write as well as you in my posts some day. I hear ya about the spiders though. I’m good if they’re outside but come into my home and you’re dead meat sucka. I had to squish one to bits last night as he was crawling up my wall by the computer. And he was one of those little black fast NASCAR ones. That pie looks amazing and a must to make. I’ve never had Biscoff and will have to try it.
Speaking of spiders, there was this one spider probably bigger than a toonie, lurking outside my window. Hairy legs and everything. I decided I’d had enough of his giant web so I got a bucket of water and sprayed it on the window. Unfortunately the spider almost FELL ON ME! *shreaks*
Though I’m glad you lived through your experience. Who else would post awesome recipes and excellent photographs!?
Thank you for using the toonie as your point of reference 😀 People here (in Florida) look at me funny when I talk about toonies and loonies
Well, I live in Canada, so it’s a pretty common point of reference! 😀
Ohmygoodnessgracious. I would have cried real tears too!
Yep. I’m actually not as arachnophobic as you are but one day, while I was out in public, a wolf spider that could span the palm of my hand decided to appear from somewhere under my car and dash across my seat . . . only to disappear completely before I could even think of destroying it. I called my husband, sobbing hysterically, in the middle of a VERY busy parking lot, begging him to pleasepleaseplease come get me and do something about the huge spider now taking up residence in my car. Long story shorter, I ended up having to drive my now spider-infested car home myself (stupid gainful employment!), sitting bolt upright and convinced the jerk would make herself known and cause me to die in fiery wreck. Spider suck.
You’re story left me with tears in my eyes from both laughter and fear. I know your pain, truly, and I wish I could shake your hand and congratulate you on your courage! In regards to the pie, it sounds amazing and I intend to try your recipe myself soon. I’ve never had Biscoff before, but you’ve convinced me it is an essential part of my life that has been missing.
I must try this soon.
You get the brave mommy wonder woman of the year award. Yup, you do. You rock. You killed TWO big ole nasty hairy spiders girlfriend. You know the only thing worse than a spider…..an octopus. Not only do they have eight legs like demon spiders do, but they can also squeeze themselves through freakishly tiny holes….like shower drains. (did I just let my crazy out of the closet?)
My husband does not sympathize with my fear of spiders and does things like photograph them instead of removing them from our home. I’m so sorry you had to endure this! The pie looks fabulous!
Yeah, I’ll be trying this one soon.
Oh, and the spiders? I can so relate! demon spawn.
I just love reading about your adventures! I am making this tomorrow! I have everything I need. Just going to make a chocolate graham cracker crust instead. I don’t feel like going to the store for anything, and I’m sure it will taste great! Thank you!
Oh gosh just reading this had me in goosebumps and shivering all over! I totally get how you feel, I totally freeze if I see a spider, I can’t move, yet I desperately want to get out of the room which has the spider invasion. Brain to feet just doesn’t happen so I stand there screaming for my boyfriend so he can come and save me. I have nightmares about spiders and I am terrified that if we use the hoover to get the buggers they’ll somehow make the long journey back down the pipe and come back to haunt me. I had one particularly traumatic meeting with a spider. I was happily sat on the sofa, minding my own and he suddenly popped out from behind the sofa and ran along the top of it. I have never moved off the sofa so fast in my life. However, I was then frozen with fear having a staring competition with the spider. He won, I had to cry for someone else to evict him. My boyfriend says “Why are you so afraid, they’re smaller than you, they should be more frightened?” “NO!, I promise you I am more frightened” Mr Spider is probably stood there thinking “Haha, I’m just going to stand here, staring at you then I’m going to run right across the room whilst laughing at your screams.” OK enough talk about spiders, I need to go put a coat on I’m so cold. You definitely deserve a medal for managing to get rid of him!
On another note, this pie looks delicious and I adore chocolate wafer crumb crusts, one of the best things in the world.
I hate spidrs too! The biscoff pie looks great, tough.
aw I am laughing but I totally get it, I cry when I see them and if no one is home i will get as far away as I can. I have also finally had biscoff and yeah, it almost makes me brave enough to kill a spider, almost
I’m pretty sure that filling would never make it in to the crust. Yeah no way.
Also, spiders suck. The end.
Piece #2 tonight! OMG this pie is yummy!
Hi there, I don’t think we have biscoff spread in New Zealand do you think you could make the pie with Nutella instead?? Are the similar consistencies?
You could probably use Nutella. They are similar in consistency, but it will be vastly different in flavor.
That looks like a truly epic pie, and I can’t wait until I have an excuse to make it. I’m afraid I have to go against the grain on the fear-of-spiders meme, though. I’m a grad student in biology, and can I promise you with 99% certainty you had nothing to fear from the spiders you saw. It’s a cliche, but also true: the more you know about “scary” animals, the less they’ll frighten you. For one thing, spiders are major predators on pest insects, so killing spiders just means your house will have more flies. Ick! I must admit flies gross me out – but I tell myself that’s rational because they do actually carry disease. . .
By coincidence, a friend of mine brought his new pet tarantula into the lab yesterday for a visit. She was bigger than my hand and had beautiful yellow stripes all over her body. We could tell she was female because female spiders are usually bigger and tougher than males – girl power! Anyway, seeing her totally made my day, and I’m so sad for anyone who’s too afraid of spiders to watch an amazing animal like that up close. If you can try to learn enough about spiders to get over your phobia, I think it’ll be worth it. Good luck!
I had sooo wanted to make this pie and sent a friend to America with specific instructions to buy some biscoff spread and all was going well until he was stopped at the airport and told he couldn’t take it on the plane!! Gutted!! Don’t think it’ll make it’s way to England any time soon!!
I’m new to your site, having discovered it in the context of this pie recipe. You are a dessert goddess! I had never had Biscoff spread before, so I impatiently waited for weeks for my order to arrive from one of Amazon’s merchants (thankfully I have since discovered a local source and purchased many more jars). I had decided to try making your pie as the dessert for a family dinner, to which my dad, brother and step-mom were invited. Please let me tell you that everyone, with no exceptions, loved and happily devoured this pie. I have selfishly consumed most of the leftovers, justifying this act by stating well I *made* the pie (never mind that my younger daughter assisted me…).
This is seriously one of the top five most delicious desserts I have ever tasted. I can’t believe how easy it is to make, and the only change I will make is that next time I will make an Oreo crust, which probably won’t change it much, but is one of my favorite crusts.
My step-mom does not really like dessert and she was raving about it and had seconds. It’s difficult for me to convey what absolutely unheard-of behavior this is for her. My dad has emailed me and said she is planning all the people she is going to make the pie for. I wanted to share this because clearly you know it’s delicious, but I very much appreciate that you shared it. Thank you for this (non-)baking brilliance! I am sharing a link to your site far and wide. =D
On the spiders, we’re a spider-friendly family, but I do understand fears like this. My younger daughter’s middle name is Arachne and we call her “the spider queen” because she just adores spiders. My office is in our basement and I share it with lots of different spiders which usually doesn’t bother me, except when they decide to drop from the ceiling into my work space, race across my desk or (worse!) keyboard or mouse (WTF?!). When this happens, I ask her to have a chat with her spider friends and request that they please stop engaging in their offensive behavior. I will ask her to have a little chat with the spiders on your behalf, for what it’s worth. 🙂
Darla – I made this and it was TOTALLY delicious! Thank you so much! (PS – I used a shortbread cookie crust and it was perfect – for me – I’m a total weirdo)